


after all you've done (i never changed my mind)

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 02:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2564381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>coulson didn't send him in because of his hydra ties. not really.</p>
<p>;;</p>
<p>or the one where grant receives a mission to rescue someone special to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	after all you've done (i never changed my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> a little something i started a while back and finally finished up!
> 
> title from hozier's "my love will never die"

He makes a move to stand when the motion activated lights flicker on - he thinks it's Skye, or maybe even Fitz; realistically it's more likely to be Skye - but when he sees its just Coulson, he relaxes back on his small cot.

"And to what do I owe this visit?" He asks with a flippant sigh.

"We need your help." When he doesn't move, Coulson sighs and tacks on, "Time is of the essence here."

"I told you, I'll only share my knowledge with Skye so you might want to go get her if you want - "

"It's Simmons." He can't help his body's reaction to Coulson's words. He rolls his shoulders in an effort to relax his newly tensed muscles. "She needs you - _us_. A combination of the two, really."

The funny thing about his former team is that no matter how much they claim to hate him - and how many of those claims are actually true - they have all at some point come to visit him.

Coulson came first, with May, of course. He mostly just vented his disappointment while May stared at him, no doubt thinking of various creative ways to cross him off. Skye came days after. It was only under the guise of needing information but still. She came. Fitz's visit had been particularly memorable for particularly unpleasant reasons. Even Trip managed to make his way down, even if it was only to fetch Skye.

Still, everyone had at some point or another come down and shown their face.

Except her.

(He tried not to be too offended by it, really. The last time she saw him he had dropped her from a plane. He tried to kill her. Honestly, he can't blame her for not jumping at the opportunity to have a face-to-face chat with him.

But if his feelings - because despite what they all may think, he actually _does_ have them - are a little bruised, that's his business.)

Grant tries to keep his expression blank, his voice even. "What makes you think I'll help?"

If Coulson's face is any indication, his voice must have wavered. Damn.

"Because I'm a bit more perceptive than you give me credit for."

Grant rises from his cot and moves to stand in front of Coulson. The force field buzzes when he gets too close.

Grant doesn't want to ask what the director means by that - because he has a sinking feeling he already knows - so he changes the subject. "What does she need me for?"

What the biochemist would want with him, he has no idea. He's genuinely curious, though, and his curiosity is probably the only reason why he isn't stubbornly refusing to speak to anyone but Skye.

(Then again Coulson's got that look on his face, that 'things-are-about-to-get-real-bad-real-fast' look, so he's slightly worried. That's also keeping this conversation moving along.)

"An extraction."

Okay, yeah. He's confused.

"The details are above your clearance because, you know, you have none," He explains. "But what I will tell you is that I need you to go in and bring her back safe and sound."

Grant has to bite back the automatic urge to say yes.

(Because _of course_ he'll do it. He's made something of a habit of being her white knight, despite her instance that she doesn't need one.)

He has to play this just right. So he turns, waves a hand and says, "Get Trip to do it. She likes him better anyway."

"I don't need Trip. I need you."

Grant eyes Coulson curiously. If this was just a normal everyday extraction, he would have most definitely sent Trip or May or even Skye. He wouldn't even be down here bothering with him if he didn't need something... _extra_. And the only thing extra he has - besides superior skills, but that's debatable - is...

No. No way. Coulson has come up with some admittedly stupid plans in the past but even _that_ would be a little much for him. There is no way he's in here asking Grant to go rescue a member of his team from...

"HYDRA? Yes. Simmons is currently inside HYDRA." As if he could read his mind, Coulson forces it out, obviously growing impatient. "She was doing a bit of spy work for us but we suspect things have gone south. I need you to go in and get her out. ASAP."

Grant clenches his jaw so tight he's positive he's going to crack a few molars. He's really pissed about this whole forcefield thing because he really wants to strangle Coulson right now.

"You - " He has to take a moment to calm himself down lest he throw himself at Coulson. Repercussions of the forcefield be damned. "You sent her undercover into HYDRA knowing damn well she can't lie her way out of a paper bag? Just how stupid are you?"

"I promise you when this is all over we can have a lengthy discussion about my intelligence level but right now I need to know if I drop this forcefield and allow you out I can trust that you will only do what I ask you to do."

Grant knows technically Coulson has no choice. Sending May or Trip or Skye or whoever else he has on his little makeshift team into Hydra for a rescue mission is dangerous. In fact, it's almost a guaranteed plan for disaster. At least with Grant there's a slim chance this may work. And if it doesn't, well. He was sort of expendable anyway.

(He also knows Coulson knows there is a slim chance - no chance, really - that Grant will leave that facility without her safe and unharmed at his side. So there's that.)

He wants to be selfish. He wants to say no or barter for some semblance of freedom in exchange for doing this but he figures he's been selfish enough when he comes to her.

"Grant," Coulson's voice shakes him from his thoughts. "An answer?"

"I'll do it."

;;

He doesn't leave immediately. It takes a few days. He can't very well show up at HYDRA's doors without it looking a tad suspicious so they work to send a few coded messages HYDRA's way preparing them for his arrival.

(They say he took time after Garrett's death to really think about where his allegiance lied and he decided it lay with HYDRA. Seemed like a reasonable enough excuse.)

He's allowed out the few days they prepare. Coulson vouches for him, saying he'll be on his best behavior but Grant can tell everyone is uncomfortable with his presence so he makes himself scarcely seen. He opts for hanging around the old lab, which was now the new garage, for reasons he rather not discuss.

One afternoon he's coming back from the kitchen and heading down to the garage when he overhears Skye talking with one of the unfamiliar faces.

"I don't get it; the scientist is in trouble and we send the criminal just because of his HYDRA ties?" The guy - Chance or Lance or whatever his name is - asks in a hushed tone. "Seems a bit risky for me."

"Coulson isn't sending him because of his HYDRA ties. Not really." Skye mumbles in response.

Grant decides he doesn't want to hear anymore after that.

;;

This wasn't part of the plan. He wasn't supposed to do this; he didn't even _need_ to do this. He already had her trust - he jumped out of a damn plane for her for crying out loud - sleeping with her was completely unnecessary.

They were furloughed for a few days in Toronto while the Bus received some much needed repairs. She had been at the hotel bar and he had joined her and she just kept looking at him with those eyes and he honestly could not help himself. It was the most self-indulgent thing he'd done in years, but it was also the first time he had been presented with something he genuinely wanted. Badly.

And it wasn't just about wanting sex - he could have gotten that anywhere - but it was about the companionship. He knew he wasn't supposed to get too attached but it was just something about her.

She had nightmares after the plane incident and he made a point of doing what he could to comfort her, whether it be sitting in the lab with her listening to her explain things to him he had no hope of understanding or sitting on the couch in the lounge holding her after a particularly frightening nightmare. He had made a point to be there for her, promised to catch her when she fell.

Jemma Simmons had effectively wiggled her way into a part of Grant Ward's heart reserved only for genuine, non-undercover feelings. And now he felt like an ass for being so selfish with those feelings that night in the hotel.

He waited until they were back on the Bus to bring it up. He busied himself until everyone had gone to bed and she was alone in the lab.

Grant had every intention on apologizing, promising nothing like that would ever happen again because he valued her friendship above all else but somewhere he lost his way, gave in to that little voice in the back of his head telling him to indulge a little, and they just ended up making use of the rarely empty lab table.

( _"Could you imagine what Fitz would do if he saw us right now? He'd probably have a stroke."_

_"Should I be offended that you're thinking of another man right now?"_

_"My apologies, Agent Ward. I did not mean to bruise your fragile ego."_

_"Alright, you're gonna pay for that one."_ )

It became a vicious cycle. Grant would promise himself he would stop this, stop being so damn selfish, but then he would take one look at her and the voice in his head would start yapping and he'd give in to his self-indulgent need to just have her. And somewhere over time that need became less physical and more emotional.

Yeah, he was compromised.

It continued until a few days before his cover was blown. Garrett ordered him to kill her and Fitz, having no knowledge this was the woman he not two weeks ago (stupidly) whispered those three irrevocable words to. He couldn't tell his mentor that, either. He would probably earn a punch to the gut for being ' _emotionally compromised_ ' and Garett would probably accompany him just to make sure he actually carried out his orders. So he kept his mouth shut and dropped them into the ocean.

(Grant isn't stupid. He knew dropping them from the plane wasn't a death sentence. He knew they would find a way out. He hadn't planned on either one of them picking up any brain damage but he knew they'd survive. He believed in them, in her.)

And as he walked back to Garrett to report that he had carried out his orders, Grant - not for the first time and definitely not the last - desperately wished things could have been different.

;;

Coulson's briefing before Grant leaves is so unnecessary. Honestly, he's gone over everything there is to go over at least a hundred times. If Coulson were to suddenly spring a quiz on him about the plan, Grant's one-hundred percent sure he'd ace it. So when the director - or whatever he is now; can he be the director of an organization that barely exists? - is speaking, Grant's attention shifts to the other members of the team in the room.

May's staring at him again. She doesn't trust him, obviously, but even she has to know this plan is their best option. In fact, she probably _does_ know that and it's burning her up.

Skye is next to Lance. She keeps glancing between him and her tablet while Lance leers at him, no doubt trying to size him up. If their conversation was any indication, Lance is on the fence about the plan. He doesn't know enough to be for it or against it so he's curious to see how it's going to play out. Skye's much like May. She hates it but she knows it's their best bet.

Fitz is the one that's bothering him. The engineer looks completely unconvinced this is going to work. It's a blow to Grant's ego, really. He would think that of all of them Fitz would know that this is practically a fool-proof plan. Fitz, out of them all, should know that Grant isn't leaving that compound without her. But Fitz looks doubtful and it almost hurts him to think that Fitz thinks he's that... _evil_ that he wouldn't give his everything to complete this mission, to save her.

"Do you understand, Ward?" Coulson asks and Grant snaps his focus back on the briefing.

He answers with a sharp nod.

;;

Things go rather smoothly. Apparently Garrett's death has earned him a lot of sympathy and, in turn, a bit of leeway. When he arrives at the facility he waits about fifteen minutes - mostly spent accepting various condolences - before quietly voicing the necessary request.

"Listen, I know this is probably against some sort of protocol but I heard you have someone from SHIELD in holding. I was wondering if I could see them? I think they were a part of the team that helped murder Garrett." He's laying it on a little thick but the HYDRA agent doesn't seem tipped off. In fact, he mumbles something about completely understanding and leads Grant down to the basement. Ironically, their cells are much like the one Coulson and co. had him locked in.

Most of the cells are empty, except the one that isn't. It takes every bit of training Grant's ever received to push down his actual reaction to seeing her in that cell, sitting on the cot with her knees to her chest practically shaking.

"This her?" The HYDRA agent asks.

She looks up and their eyes meet. He digs his nails into his palm to keep from blowing his cover.

"Yeah," Grant's voice miraculously comes out evenly. "This is her."

The HYDRA agent explains the control panel to him - as if he doesn't already know, but the agent doesn't know that - then slips it in his hands before leaving the two of them alone.

As soon as the door clicks, Grant lets out the breath he'd been holding in since he entered the basement.

"What are you doing here? How are you even here?" She asks and he's so glad she spoke first because he doesn't think he could have.

He looks around and thankfully spots only one camera in the corner of the room. He can easily shoot it down and free her before any guards arrive but for things to run smoothly, he's going to need her to cooperate. She can't run off or fight him or whatever she's been wanting to do to him since their last encounter. But he's having a difficult time figuring out how to explain this to her without tipping off whoever's monitoring the room.

Then he gets an idea.

"Do you remember Paris?" She's trying to stare sternly at him but ducks her head almost bashfully at the mention of the French city. Yeah, she remembers. "Do you remember what I told you?"

"Yes, and I must say your undercover skills are quite good. I actually believed you for the longest."

"I wasn't lying to you, Jemma." It's been so long since he's said her name it feels foreign on his tongue. It gets her to look back up at him, though. "I told a lot of lies during my time on the team but that was not one of them."

This is taking too long. He's getting caught up in real feelings and it's making him sloppy. He needs to get her out before he's made.

"Jem I - "

"No! You don't get to call me that. You don't get to pretend as if you didn't lie to me, as if you actually - " Her voice breaks and he thinks his heart does too. "I don't know if you're here to kill me or torture me or take me to be brainwashed but can you just please do it already? Because I would rather endure any of that than sit here talking to you."

Now he's sure his heart breaks.

This isn't the time or place for the particular conversation he wants to have with her, though. Once she's out - because he is gonna get her out - maybe then they can talk. But until then...

Grant swears under his breath before shooting the camera out. His fingers move over the touchpad and disable the forcefield. He steps inside and offers Jemma his hand which she doesn't take. She just stares up at him with that adorable (focus, Grant) confused look on her face.

"Coulson sent me. That's why I'm here and not there. We have about two minutes before this place is rushed with guards. I know I'm not your ideal rescue team but, please, let me get you out safe."

He can see the wheels in her mind turning. She's trying to evaluate the validity of his words. He's about thirty seconds away from throwing her over his shoulder when she places her hand in his.

Grant mentally pulls up the blueprints in his mind. There's an exit towards the end of the corridor of cells. If they can make it there, it's a straight shot up to the roof where the Bus will be waiting for them.

"Run that way and don't stop until you reach the staircase." He's relived when she nods and follows his instructions. Guards are starting to pour into the basement and he can't handle them _and_ a stubborn Jemma.

Grant tries to make his way to the staircase while taking out as many guards as he can. He was given a Night-Night Gun instead of a real firearm - probably a sign that Coulson didn't trust him _that_ much - so it's only slightly unsatisfactory that he's only knocking these guys out as opposed to causing any real damage.

(These people had Jemma cooped up in a cell no doubt hungry and scared. Of course he wants to inflict as much pain as possible.)

He reaches the staircase a few seconds after she does and he steps inside, shutting the door and shooting the keypad to keep the remaining guards out for the time being. His hand instinctively twines with hers and tugs her up the stairs. Halfway up he hears the door being broken down. He quickens his pace and leads her to the rooftop door.

"Go out there. The Bus should be coming soon if it's not already there." He all but barks at her.

She nods but hesitates. "Aren't you coming?"

Of course she would chose this moment, when they're being shot at by multiple assailants, to show a semblance of concern for him. It makes the corner of his mouth tick up slightly. "I'll be right behind you."

They both know it's a half-truth - he'll try to follow her out but if he has to subdue the guards while she escapes without him, that's fine with him - but it seems to placate her.

He watches her run up onto the roof before turning his attention back to the guards. He's out of rounds so hand-to-hand combat it is. The first two go down rather easily - rookies, he thinks - but the remaining two are more difficult. They double team him and Grant takes a number of painful punches before he gets the upper hand. For a split second he thinks maybe he'll be able to get onto the roof until he feels a blinding pain in his shoulder.

Shit, they shot him.

Grant would say his life flashed before his eyes - god, was he _really_ about to die? - but it wasn't his whole life, just one bit of it. The bit where he's about to leave to transport Garrett to the Fridge and he's in his bunk preparing to leave and the biochemist sneaks inside and shuts the door behind her and wraps her arms around his waist and makes him promise to come back safe to her. The bit where he knows very well that he's not coming back, at least not as the same person she knew - she loved - but he promises her anyway. The bit where he considered taking her and running away from this all. The bit where he realized he was foolishly, selfishly in love with this brilliant, beautiful woman.

He broke that promise to come back to her once; he won't do it again.

Grant musters up the last remaining bit of energy he has - his vision is starting to blur - and disarms the guard with the gun. He shoots them both just to prevent them from following him and staggers his way onto the roof. He spots the familiar tiny frame standing on the edge of the roof and stumbles over to her.

"Grant," His heart flutters when she calls his name. Or it flutters because the loss of blood. He really can't tell.

The Bus materializes in front of them and opens up to let them in. She lets him drape his arm over her shoulder for a sense of stability. They walk onto the ramp of the Bus and before he can blink away the stars forming in his vision, he feels an extra pair of hands grabbing at his wrists.

Jenna's protests - "Stop it! He's injured!" - are the last thing he hears before things go black.

;;

Grant thinks maybe the last ninety-six hours or so were a dream. That there was no way Coulson came down to his cell and freed him on the terms that he go rescue Simmons from HYDRA.

Then he feels a dull ache in his right shoulder and he knows it wasn't a dream at all.

He goes to roll it, try to alleviate some of the pain, when a hand gently forces his shoulder back down onto the mattress of his cot.

"Lie still, Grant or you'll tear your stitches." A familiar voice scolds him and he actually manages a weak smile.

"I got one of SHIELD's most valuable minds out of the enemy organization and Coulson still has me locked up?" Grant muses. "What's a guy gotta do to get released around here?"

"I'm afraid one good deed does not atone for the various other misdeeds you've committed."

The mood dips a little - it was really never that light to begin with - so Grant searches for a new point of conversation. His eyes catch a figure standing just beyond the forcefield and makes it out as Trip.

"I told him I'd be fine, that you wouldn't hurt me, but he insisted." Jemma explains, as if reading his mind. She was always good at that, though. Guess things don't change that much.

"So he's just been standing here watching you while you watch me?"

"I'm not watching you. I'm _observing_. There's a difference." She shifts in the chair that's been pulled beside his cot. "How are you feeling? The bullet they shot you with was laced with a sort of toxin. I believe I managed to flush most of it out of your system but I just want to make sure."

A toxin. That explains why it hurt so damn much.

"Yeah, I feel fine. Shoulder's sore but nothing I'm not used to." He almost wants to lie. He knows his answer will probably satisfy her and then she'll be gone. For a split second he thinks maybe he should feign some dizziness, maybe even some internal pain so she'll have a reason to examine him.

(It's unfair that the first time in months she's had her hands on him - even for medical reasons - he was out cold for it.

Unfair and very cruel.)

But in the end, he decides to be truthful. He decides he doesn't want to lie to her. Not anymore.

"Good." She forces a smile and his chest tightens. He doesn't like the look on her. He prefers her with genuine emotions.

She stands and looks over to Trip, who's standing stoically beyond the forcefield. She gives a nod and Trip deactivates the forcefield. He stomps in, avoiding Grant's gaze and grabbing the chair for Jemma. He waits for her to walk ahead of him - he isn't going to turn his back on the two of them - but she just places a hand on his shoulder and he sighs. Grant's almost jealous of their nonverbal communication.

When Trip has distanced himself enough, Jemma turns back around to face him.

"I know you weren't." She says, barely louder than a whisper. "Lying, I mean. In Paris."

Before Grant can respond, she's gone. He's watching her walk up the staircase behind Trip without a clue when - or if - she'll be back.

But at least she knows. Out of all the misdeeds he committed, the acts of deception, the lies he told, at least she was able to discern that one truth.

That he loves her.


End file.
